Doubting just isn’t my forte

I don’t go by Murphy’s law. Well I’m silently an outlaw, so how far can rules go as to condition me if I, despite having been born straight, came to grow blind to them? I’m a love thug.

I like to embody my impetus and never really let its stench grow weary, because the best way to commit is to not believe there’re alternatives. It’s better to aim for feelings when you alienate yourself from what surrounds you and would touch you here and there, but no! I recruited this special type of sharpness as my only wingman.

I guess it was life itself that made me pursue these dreams of what I feel love is about. And I’m selfish for it and distant. I chose it, opted to go on this yearn for someone who fits me, while choosing to see little worth in many others who are close and probably also deserving.

They do exist and I know their faces, but no I do not allow them to deserve my heart, not anymore, that’s why one ceases being a kid at some point to only never go back. What’s behind is bland now, is past and all past is nothing more than monochrome and so short in appeal.

Yeah, I’ve dried things down to so little. I became two different guys, more than two I think not, I found no use for a third yet. Pride brought all to me, and it strengthened me with this unshakable kind of vibe that I cannot imagine to let loose, as I tuned others out, and soon rooted an addict to this year-long bluntness.

For that’s when I’m better able to lay eyes on my personal hopefully seizable expectations. There’s not a future if you’re bound to live looking back in weakness, in shame, in pity, in worry, in mellowness. Or there might be one but it was not for me to believe in such possibility, not in this life. I’m too far gone. I’ve grown allergic to the thought of being bound, for too long I am and the rash didn’t go away anymore.

It’s after all the blurry asset that has me unlike those who’re vulnerable to all that’s banal and around them; at least I’m vulnerable only to few, only to you, I dream. I can live with that. I want to actually. I have apparently steady yet so simple desires.

We’re both as hard as it may get but we’re fortunate to be so in a manner that’s quite complementary, in a way that clinks without cracking all at once. We’re so used to the noise that it’s almost deafened us by now and well, it’s no problem anyway, the harder we get!


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