Minutes of insecurity

Yeah, because love is also sadness, sometimes, we cry don’t we? That’s the uncertainty trying to make some sense out of this. You are built of certain objectives but you also got doubts. I’m just… new to this. But I’ve been sure of some things so far. Even of those that did not come to life. Did I know that they wouldn’t? I probably did but I liked to think otherwise, to be convinced of this good will that could make anything turn concrete. But will isn’t enough.

There is always some insecurity behind what’s uncertain. But even more so when you take an outcome for granted. When “us” became the only picture I can draw in thoughts. You and the days that keep summing up make me feel that, expectant of this not so far plan for a future together. Cause there’s really no other way for a future to be than like how we want it to, a fusion of us, and we’re somewhat fused already and it feels right enough, doesn’t it!?

Hmm, there are many ways to how life unfolds on us. There are and then it’s like after you there is but one, our way. But you’re lucid enough to question this as I throw it as some sort of fact. I like your strength and it also makes me see, through a few tears of insecurity, how life can make us not be just as it made us meet. I think your perspective of life is very unflawed, it’s enlightening. I’ll probably never achieve that state neither do I want it, for anyway I have that in you, therefore I have it too. Childlike is anyways more like me as I’ll never be as old as you’re bound to, and that’s enriching, saves us from invariance.

Yeah, and you might frustrate me too cause you’re so sure whereas me, well, you see!? how this post just turned around? It was supposed to be a sad one! but well my trait seems to be that one, of persisting in finding an excuse to see it brighter, a reason, and many I came to have so that I somehow could flow along this stream of love and moodiness and distance attached to some dubiety. We’re normal though we are not. And well it isn’t just me. Reciprocity is a funny word for me, for what is mutual may never stop being so. You gifted me with that, something new I never did savour before.

And one sometimes thinks that to achieve this should be easier. What’s the science behind caring and feeling deeply? It’s actually mostly luck you need when it comes to find that groovy person. And sometimes she’ll tell me that she’s bad to me, not who I should be waiting for. But she lives on the freshest and most perfect edge of apparent lifelessness, she died and is emerging, she’s serious and steams inside, smooth but never in thoughts. I think this is the truthfulest description I can make of her so far but there’s more to come… always, I’d dare to say.

I believe she thinks that I might be giving her more than she can give me. She’s that kind of girl, one whose words might sound too harsh sometimes and whose heart tends to sit still, too distant. The girl who made me promise that we’d make this work, a mystery. One who made me see how much someone can make happen, out of nowhere. It all grows back again from the previous cut, it’s only a matter of time and again, of luck. And yup, I trust it’ll not go wrong this time. It’s either this or nothing, I answered. For nothing else looks like it’d ever come to be as right as this. So yes, I promise.


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14 thoughts on “Minutes of insecurity

  1. Wonderful post, well said! Insecurity.. It’s a little monster isn’t it…

    I’m currently writing about 4 steps to get rid of that insecurity so it’s nice to get some inspiration from other blogs.

    Keep it up 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I couldn’t agree more! I’m simply hoping to be able to reach out to people and advise them as far as I’m capable to. Maybe, just maybe, it might help them out a bit 🙂

        And even then.. It might be tamed but it’ll never seize to exist..

        Like

  2. Dude this was… amazing. This was my favorite line: “I’ll probably never achieve that state neither do I want it, for anyway I have that in you, therefore I have it too.” It is so true.

    Liked by 1 person

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