When it comes and you understand it for what it is, it becomes your desire, one you built or let grow… perhaps both. Yup, both is best, it’s perfection, so to say. Most never had it, this willingness to stay, the lack of need to look for more, anew cause the past did not finish well. Most never find love, I’d say. Some don’t need it and others die trying, I thought I had died before for it but it seems I’m here still forever around, as I stopped trying. Now I don’t try cause I needn’t. You don’t either. And so it must be, no tries, no gifts, not much really, for us both to be as best as we ever saw ourselves being. It doesn’t help to want an illusion. It surely didn’t, that’s just as good as overlooking what’s nitid. I’ve been living in a land of haze.
I couldn’t help it when I wanted her. I needed help but who was capable of giving it if not she, who stuck me helpless? It’s diving and emerging, and hoping not to waste away for too long in this place. It’s about needing some solid state, something new to grow old, alongside. Unique! There’s nothing replaceable but there’s places in us that’ll see never no repair if the wrong persons leave, right? Maybe not even this is true. Maybe it all moves forward and the past ever downwards. I have no past now… or well, the past I may hold is each day more like yesterday. It’s simply a matter of forgetting the silences and be blind to these shoulda, coulda, wouldas. And it’s gotten so much easier… more pain, more immunity, more freedom from a living used to the lack of emotional expansion.
Minds go careless when they spot the glow. They go that needed mile, they do it out of no burdens. It’s what I wish for, happiness just in time and not simply what I just found along the way, as there’s so many paths I took and then drew back from. A network of passion calamities and midnights of no sleep that in time also came to its end. Are you the conclusion for all that’s behind? Probably. I once had mainly hopes, but now I’m into dreams instead. Because as they say, and they are right, they come true whereas void hopes I saw them endure the worst of loneliness. That’s why for us it’s kind of a change to feel shielded by what seems idyllic. It’s difficult to abstain from this fantasy that has never been less dreamy. Very cute all this, but specially the fact that we just can’t seem to say no to this dream. We’ve touched and we’re aiming for unique, never less.