The one one may have found one day, some day hardly foretold and never to be repeated, will be special, we know. Yet, every single possible future will hardly hit anywhere near past’s expectations. It’s hard to predict and inevitable to make the unpredictable somewhat bearable. Hard cyclical task, and another known fact is that trauma is unavoidable too, otherwise nothing would ever be unveiled and questioned so extensively that it would actually come to be defined as hard or dangerous.
The future comes as easy and then its corresponding past seems to be laid in a so much more convoluted way. So yup, the fault isn’t yours but instead mine for having chosen to give a continuation to what could have perished right where it didn’t start. See, yes you, that bringer of my itching isn’t you either and that’s the very reason why I never could claim a thing. What you see may instead and now be just me, mistaken with who I’ve let myself become for a purpose that still remains undefined, and it eases me to be somehow conscious of it now.
Motives for commotion, they are fast to be created, we are social for a reason, and that’s the reason. For lonerism brings all that we do not naturally have, brings serenity but not all crave living without noise, me without you? What would that taste like? And then only if all fails we are led out of this sphere, abruptly and together with our sole existence. It’s simple. If we fail, we have a prize that isn’t wanted but turns out to be needed, for sure. Dependence is cured with acts of the opposite nature, preferably successful ones.
And yes, you, there’s no other quite like you. Maybe there is and maybe wandering in silence will give me said person, because yes, you might not know but by being with myself, that’s the best way to get closer to who I need to find. Who I lack and you know what else? I really, really lacked me for the longest time, so long that I foolishly started to believe that you could even see me for who I was not, and thus fall in love with a man who did not exist. Haha… dumb.