Hazy remembrance

Am I less sane for thinking of what I haven’t gotten and perceive how it changed me, indubitably?

Will it taste like something more to live on that said nothing which was once more than I needed to understand what I didn’t know I wanted?

Am I different now from who I would be if what didn’t happen hadn’t happened?

Frankly, I don’t know if what I hereby express is fruit of what I haven’t told you or just a reminiscence of a feeling that although nebulous, I used to sense in you, sometimes, when you would do me the favor of attending to what my lost eyes would tell cause I didn’t know what to say.

I know I was someone else back then, someone who still walked in my direction, slow, anxious to become one who wouldn’t prosper on its own. Feeling that I want to ignore all this and along with it, the whole I’ve grown to be doesn’t make sense anymore. Got used to this state of what was and will hardly be again, also because wanting it anew, I don’t, I may still want you, and forever, but don’t need you no more nor see you.

Now I want myself, solely, and know this part of me I carry ended up being just what I needed so that this other “me” who in me didn’t live before, could come at last and to stay. Thank you.

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7 thoughts on “Hazy remembrance

  1. I have been away from writing and visiting WordPress due mostly to family circumstances, and frankly not really caring to write due to certain transformations that I have been experiencing.
    I think that some of the problems stem from past mistakes that we have made in the ‘so called love department of life’.
    As an advisor and counselor Love comes up in so many sessions that I have had with my clients. Falling in love is actually quite easy. It is being able to stay in love that is extremely difficult, and I must admit that I could be considered an expert at that. I think that is due to this; I have experienced true love in my lifetime, and I will always compare ‘new love’ to that one particular love, and it always falls short. So, do we compromise and hope for the best? Or do we hold out in hopes that we may have that true love experience again?
    Personally for me, I have been fortunate enough to learn how to truly love myself, first and foremost. Then all others fall into place in my circles of love.
    I do not feel anxiety or pressured to just be with someone for the sake of being with someone. And, Ricardo, I think that you are making this self-discovery about yourself. Relationships are work. The seeds of love may be planted, but needs nourishing from both partners. When one partner is doing all the work to make a go of the relationship, someone is going to end up hurt, resentful and almost giving up on ever having that ‘higher love’ that some have experienced and some will never know.
    So, in my heart and soul; I am grateful that I did have that experience of a true love, and if I use that to base future relationships, then so be it. I will not settle for anything else.
    I believe this saying is so true: “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” And any time that love enters our lives we should embrace it and see where it may go. It may work out in a most advantageous way, or then again it may not. But, it will help you to grow and learn even more about yourself. Just don’t settle if it is not the true love you are aspiring for.
    And really….there is no logic in love.

    Liked by 1 person

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