If there’s one thing that changes with time and experience is your capability/tendency to foresee pain still to come once you smell love for the second time. Noticing the growth of a possibly treacherous feeling while confidently telling yourself it won’t touch you if distant you desire it to stay, is drawing the lie you’re trying to believe in. You can’t avoid but to feel when the other appears as someone beautiful to you.
Each love is unique, unreplicable, but there’s not a single lifelong love made for one to die for, there’ll always be more to come. Life is built this way to erase depression for it must be lived and not merely endured, as love can be painful and heavy, unbearable if not released at some point. And another curious fact about love is that you’ll know when it’s true because it’ll make you abstain from comparisons, from looking at new eyes and recalling the old ones, you’ll rebuild your notion of this sensation through a new perspective, over a brand new image, a changed physique and voice and gaze, one that awakens you in the same way though.
You’ll be surprised by this situation. You’ll contemplate your old path and deserted actions that lie somewhere in your heart still, they’ll linger forever, do not be mistaken because love is undying, always, and if it ultimately ends you’ll know it wasn’t so unfeigned after all. You’ll innovate and improve your behaviour and mannerism this time, you surely will, you won’t give her the chance to say you’ve failed. You learned, so this next love will find you more capable and decent than the previous, and you’ll long, perhaps, as you regret some of the past mistakes. The potential to love is ever-increasing and never the opposite. The state of dormancy is real but not so hardly awakened by the one whose words will seem different somehow, and make you glance smiling at her, this new person that may be willing to find you and love you. Maybe.
Hoping is healthy but being expectant can be dangerous, you know how it once started and slowly came to a non-existent end. Risking yourself to allow the occurrence of a different phenomenon now is complicated to say the least, and it’ll even make you prematurely cry and laugh for unexpected reasons, instability arises for loving one more time consumes you to a whole different extent, as you are not so innocent anymore, naïve to remain initially blind. You see it all so clearly, she friendly touches you and you fear how you may one day come to miss her touch, you miss it already and you’re sadly aware of it.
You thought you were immune to reoccurring love, you’d pick the one you find right and profitable, but it can’t be rationalized like that. So now, you’re left like this, in the hands of some other who may or may not hold you if you happen to fall, all over again.