Special fondness

As you’ve loved, you came to see that true love is rarely felt, and when it happens, it can be easily pointed out. Not saying we’re sure of its existence or strength right from the start but as we awake to the conscience of its presence, we know and we won’t let go.

A first love is what it takes to savour its power, the following experiences may be mistakes, unsteady passions, breezy feelings so that the third shot will be charmful and real, and charm is now something you can distinguish with ease, as you’re currently an experimented lover. It took time, a lot of it, and sleepless nights spent thinking of said time, a time that ran only in your heart, never in her head.

Your taste in people is elevated now, you with your master’s degree in Feeling Rationalization pinned to your shirt, walk the city, unrushed, freely admiring all the beauty that unnoticed, would call you every time you plodded down that same filthy street. A street bridging the only two states of your depressive modus operandi, according to which you were maintained alive but narrowly living, Sadness and Nostalgia, these two sharing an obligatory relation of symbiosis.

To whom will you hand yourself now? A worthy one; choosing someone to admire is easy for the simple reason that they’re obvious, the simplest of their attitudes will seem interesting, the words by them spoken are all but interesting as well, their eyes gaze upon you only to cause a physical and immediate response, you’ll regurgitate all the tender essence you contain, eager to be disemboweled from inside you to then blend together with another, the proper one. You gain a life that fosters your entrance in the modernist period of Romantic Rebound, and you follow and rise the gates. You’re in.

Though, this time, step by step you carefully scavenge the emotional contents of your recently warming corpse, you’ll retrieve the strictly necessary, no more no less, get dressed and clad in the purest of your intentions you initiate a wise walk in this now curiously similar promenade. You play and let yourself be played ’cause this time you rule the game. You could cheat but you adopt fairness, a beautiful effort prone to be rewarded. Will love be kind?

Opened, you become one with the one that seems amazing, she is there, has always been, was never a stranger, a friend. You smile now with her as you once smiled to your love. Means this anything or should friendships feel this way? I must confess that a man is barely a friend of a woman, she either means something to him and is missed, or she doesn’t and is mundane, lost and sprayed with the same regular tint of indifference that colours every other.

So friendships are not friendships, they’re love still in denial or love already denied. The ones who tripped and still crouch in between phases, hidden they pretend to stay unbothered with the dispassion to them reciprocated. Well, they’re damned and here I sit, rudely smiling thinking of them, poor people that’ll soon come to realize how and why I write all this blanc poetry, they’ll know that a common man does not grow insane by choice.

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26 thoughts on “Special fondness

  1. I embrace insanity in order to stay sane because I cannot help but love too deeply, therein making me mundane; so the madness that erupts adds some necessary spice to life.

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  2. “poor people that’ll soon come to realize how and why I write all this blanc poetry, they’ll know that a common man does not grow insane by choice”, …..quite! There is a reason for everything. xxx

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  3. those last lines brought a wicked smile on my face…as for seeing true love and recognizing it doesn’t become easier afterwards my friend. It just gets tougher…because you think, speculate and most negatively compare all of that with all of this…small small things make big differences. But one thing that graduates you into being more “insane” and that I think is more positive than negative is that you are well guarded, stronger and invincible…cause there’s nothing inside to break anymore. Friends come in abundance….but you give a thousand thoughts before letting love step in.

    Rest…I always love reading whatever you write. 😉

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    1. “Insane” people smile for no reason. Happiness is pretty, sadness a joke. And yes I think you rejoice in feeling “guarded, stronger and invincible”. True love, as you said, doesn’t get easier with time for time can’t kill it. However, time lets us understand it, and once something is understood it stops being dangerous. Sanity is here a state of mental inertia caused by lack of experiences, constancy is easy, challenges (in love, etc, but love especially for it touches us in a different way) make us grow and neglect our previous state of ignorance, despise it even. Ignorance permits sanity, insanity is born from what we can’t control! And being (inevitably) at ease with events we can’t control makes us powerful and top-notch insane, and allowing us to evolve in this fashion thus becoming less and less sane with time, that’s the sanest choise to do 😉
      thanks for reading and commenting, as usual! It’s much appreciated 🙂

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  4. I read and re-read this line and believe it to be true. Painfully true.
    ” I must confess that a man is barely a friend of a woman, she either means something to him and is missed, or she doesn’t and is mundane, lost and sprayed with the same regular tint of indifference that colours every other.”

    Beautiful writing with hauntingly gorgeous photos. A lovely blend.

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    1. Yes, I feel that’s true, you know. And you see it as a bad thing. Well, love implies friendship, and you’re mourning for friendship, in your perspective, should not imply love. Of course there’s a lot of men and women happily friendly, they are. But a man who is but a friend doesn’t share that much, we need that extra step to feel all in, and the behave as whole! 🙂 Thanks for the comment

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        1. But well, out of those twenty, I’d say the last three. These three taught me some things, pretty things, ugly things, heavy things, joyful ones too. I know things a few more things now, that’s enough.. for now! 😉

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