Single but taken

Along this journey of friendship we shared, me and her, I can recall a few times when people would ask if we were a couple.

These moments would preferably take place on those nights when I couldn’t pretend to not feel what I felt, as well as the sober me usually did, even though I was never afraid of looking at her how I wanted to. I was natural, maybe reticent, but it was not that hard to notice my proud look towards her, this stunning tallish blonde I so easily distinguished from the crowds. Anyways, I would always keep an eye on things, especially on this 5’9” golden-haired thing with eyes that could easily ridicule the ocean for its lack of depth and tones, and a smile, sometimes not so easy, but she would somehow always find one to present me with, for she obviously knew how I felt and respected me as much as her relentless spirit would allow her to; such a clearly noticeable gaze I shone upon her. After all, I only cared for the well-being of this said thing, and nothing more than that.

When people asked – “Are you two together?” – or as one, drunken, who was trying to get it on her and saw me as a competitor once said – “You want to bang her, don’t you?”

Hearing this, with her beside me, I don’t remember what I replied, probably nothing, but if I had tried to, it would have been something like this – “Oh, I want so much from her that I don’t even know if I want to do her. Maybe, but it would be one of the last things I’d bother to think of.” Definitely too romantic for a 4 am vodka stained chat. I merely grinned for I looked at this stupid question so emptily, and I felt so unique for noticing how such thoughts can seem so basically insignificant everytime I looked at her, only to remind myself of what love really means.

Every now and then, when this question arisened, I was led to believe I was doing it right, and I probably was. How can people see something that isn’t happening? Should I obviously be her boyfriend? How can I so clearly deserve her love? Everyone sees it, except for her.

And now, looking back, those were the nights that silently told me that we were probably never meant to be, but still, how can everyone be so wrongly right, and she so certainly sure that we would forever be the ones who seem everything without being actually anything at all?

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71 thoughts on “Single but taken

  1. This is a beautifully written piece, although I don’t agree with the term friendzone as used by a previous commentator, the emotion you discuss here is very real and very relateable. Sometimes it feels like everyone is right in their assumptions because what they are assuming is what we wish for most in the world. Thank you for liking my Haiku’s, as you can see I understand the emotion you’ve described incredibly well. I must say it is refreshing to see a guy expressing these thoughts and feelings, it gives me some hope that although my situation isn’t going to end with a happily ever after either, perhaps he did feel something more than he was letting on. Keep writing, this was brilliant.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A love where you want so much from someone, but don’t know how to say it… Friendships that turn into more, I’ve always had difficulties crossing a bridge like that. This is a beautiful piece that resonated with me well enough. I hope that your decision to be open to her remain to pay off whether your status changes from friendship to relationship or not. There’s so much to cherish in the connection the both of you have.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This sounded so much like you when I read it. Your girl will love to have a journey with you.

    Love Compared (by Nizar Qabbani)

    I do not resemble your other lovers, my lady
    should another give you a cloud
    I give you rain
    Should he give you a lantern, I
    will give you the moon
    Should he give you a branch
    I will give you the trees
    And if another gives you a ship
    I shall give you the journey.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. It’s definitely something that builds with time, I don’t know if I believe in “meant to be” or “fate”… But I do believe it can grow, and you definitely seem to have a seed there! Keep watering it

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Although I’m an amateur in the game of love, I can clearly understand what a person feels like when their love remains unnoticed. It depends on person to person; whether he chooses to regret all the time or live with the memories, and the later is pretty hard but its a beautiful feeling and very few can bear the struggle it takes to submerge in the ocean of love! ^_^

    Sir, you seem someone who is at the bottom of that ocean. Calm, blue and peaceful!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re trying to say that defining the kind of relationship I have with her doesn’t really matter? It doesn’t change what I feel, it may only change how much I expect from her? And living in expectation can be dangerous and painful?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes that is what I’m suggesting. I may be wrong, it was just a thought as i battle with this in my own mind at present. Labels help us to set the boundaries and what to expect. But why do we want a love with boundaries that cage us in and expectations that can only call in disappointment. Fly free if you can and perhaps it will be the most beautiful experience you will ever have. Please keep writing as I really connect with what you share.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. No, you’re totally right, but it’s very, very difficult to love so deeply and yet “ignore” and endure a life of freedom, to free yourself from the one you love only because it is somehow damaging you, that’s a hard decision. I think it takes time for you to find yourself capable of doing it. Of moving on without letting go. That’s the purest definition of love.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Keep your heart open but know your own limits and worth.
            You can love but let go, but I understand this is so so hard.
            When your mind is always taken back to them and you want them to know, let it be free and take a risk – let them know but understand they may not be ready to hear what you say with the deep emotion that you offer with it. It does not mean they do not share a live with you, they share all they can offer of themselves right now.
            Love is the start and finish of us, and it is so beautiful when we feel its vulnerability. Fragile yet strong.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. “let them know but understand they may not be ready to hear what you say with the deep emotion that you offer with it. It does not mean they do not share a live with you, they share all they can offer of themselves right now.”
              Our honest depth will hurt them, yes, though we would never imagine our mere meaningful words could have such an effect.
              To ask for what he/she can’t (currently) give, it’s the biggest mistake one can make. It’s fatal in a way it can kill what could still remain beautiful if we would be brave enough to leave it untouched and unasked. 😉

              Liked by 1 person

                1. 😉 Thank you for your deep insights! I always appreciate comments that feed my thoughts, inspiring words which inevitably lead me to write, so I can then offer your minds some digested perspectives on this inquisitive subjects! It’s all about reciprocity. 🙂

                  Liked by 1 person

                    1. I must tell you that I only started this blog once I found myself healed, when I knew I wouldn’t give into constant sadness anymore.
                      Perhaps because before that moment, my head was too full, sometimes thinking on what I’ve already written, others times thinking of what I haven’t wrote yet. I was too blurry to actually live.
                      And my first post was basically about change, an inner upgrade, I had to evolve, stop being how I was to become who I am now, and I hope I’m actually changed, and I’m not just illuding myself. But I don’t think so, I’ not that naive (I hope).
                      I wouldn’t be writing what I write if I didn’t find myself grounded enough to do it rightly, to be of use, inspiring and motivational, especially to people like you, who find themselves still living in limbo, waiting for the transition to take place, for life to happen and love to be assimilated, properly.

                      Liked by 3 people

          2. Let me share this with you…they are your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions. don’t let others online–offline try to tell you how you should be feeling…feelings are our very own. Positive and negative……So, you do what is best for you.
            Don’t let others cloud your mind. And always go with your gut instincts. That is your higher self trying to give you good guidance.

            Liked by 1 person

  6. yes, it is definitely one of the saddest things that love can offer, when you are so close to someone, yet so far away. But you never know, maybe some time from now, maybe years, she too will realise that it was actually something special and the fog of friendship have covered it away from her?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes, I believe there’s always a chance of that happening. And that doesn’t mean that I’ll be here waiting, in pain, but instead that I’ll remain open to her, reacheable as the friend I’ve always been and will forever be, and never resentful. 😉

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      1. Did you try to offer your love to her? Perhaps, she’s also waiting for you to tell her what you actually feel. Mostly, we, girls also sometimes aiming for more than friendship to our bestfriend. hehe! Who knows… 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

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