From her to you 

I wonder why I write all this stuff without any hope of it being read by the only one who should. The one who seems sadly unreachable. I honestly don’t even want or expect her to do it, her absence is gifting enough.

When her immutable silence still matters more than the sweetest comment of yours. And don’t think I despise your comments, I love them, but I love her more. Always will.

When I’m cold enough to fool myself into thinking this comes from me when it actually is and has always been born through her. Should her name be the one to appear signed at the bottom of all my compositions? Would “Lídia” figure better than “Ricardo”? Well it’s shorter, lighter, definitely lovelier.

This is me saying what she won’t hear. Hurting how I hope she does not. Feeling what she never forced me to, but after all, she is the only one I found worthy of aching for.

Moments that I keep repeating, willfully, so I don’t get used to stop living like I wanted to. So I keep being the one she has awoken inside me, the best man I can be.

Memories that aren’t taunting anymore, I struggled with them at first, when I still believed that I was able to forget what meant more to me, than my vague existence itself. It can’t be done, and I’ve learned to prefer it this way. Knowing I’m capable of sustaining this longing for a love that will forever remain, within me, untouched, it amuses me too much.

When life stops being what I’m presently seeing but instead what took place in this same day, one year ago, or two, and yes, I still remember. How could I not?

When my buoyant motivation has ceased being the creation of something beautiful but rather the recalling of someone who was, and will always be, beautiful.

When the same old songs only hide what no one else notices. I listen and picture whatever I want or need to. Thoughts that, for all this time, I’ve been using to build myself in the wisest possible way.

When I quit crying for that isn’t how I should be honouring her. She was the one who teached me how to spell happiness. I can’t waste what she quietly taught me, not so heedlessly, she doesn’t deserve such a reckless pupil.

Here I am, me and you, you read and I write, you wait for what I’ll constantly give, hopefully, and I pretend this is how it’s supposed to be.

I truly don’t care if it has to be like this or not, at least for as long as I’m the one who writes, emptily, and she the one who doesn’t read, obliviously, as always.

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45 thoughts on “From her to you 

  1. I think we all write of our feelings in two frames of mind, one the passionate hope that the person they are truly addressed to will read them, understand and suddenly transform our emotions, or two, the feverish hope that they never lay their hands on it allowing us to suffer until we have moved on in peace and quiet, without further awkwardness or the loss of such meaningful connections. This is why 90% of us will have blog names unrelated to our actual names and dispersed amongst only those friends that we can trust and feel no need to write anything negative or contrasting to their own opinions about the state of our relationship with them.

    This is yet another fantastic blog post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi, I came here to thanks for stopping by my blog and read this. You have framed the words so simply yet so beautifully that I have no adjectives to describe what I felt after reading this. We all have been through these phases but handling the situation, like you are doing, is commendable. I hope your writing reaches her very soon. All the very best 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Is this not why so many of us write? I often wish mine would read my stories but also pray that he doesn’t for then my secrets and my own misunderstandings and insights into my heart will be forever real. I’m not sure how he would interpret them and that worries me as i would not want him to go and i fear that he would. .however he is not even beside me now!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hey Ricardo In don’t want to be an intruder here but it just felt you are hurting now. .there might be reason for her departure but why can’t you both get back. ..You deserve a chance at happiness n it won’t be until you stop considering your self reckless. ..
    Love is powerful! You ll get her soon I know 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No, I’m not hurting, not anymore, it’s gone! And no, I won’t get her, the probability of that happening is almost null. But that reality doesn’t shock no more, I dealt with it, slowly but as serenely as one can.
      I learned to walk on and away, happy, for the single reasons I described in this and the previous posts.
      Yes, I decided to make this one purposefully stronger, harsh in a sense it pictures clearly the despair in which one can dive sometimes. It’s just a matter of not staying submerged for too long, or the flood will wash you away from yourself. This kind of feelings will always come and go, as life moves on. That’s the weight of love! And such a beautiful weight it is, right!? 😉
      Thank you for your constant appreciation of my writings. And no, there’s no need for concern, I’m as sane as a guy like me is capable of being, I feel contented indeed. Life is beautiful!

      Liked by 5 people

      1. I thought you might get offended n won’t reply :p
        Yeah life waits for no one and there comes a stage where moving on excels! ! Wow you should be an inspiration. .I have seen so many still being in gloom and never wanting to give up this all, that ur positive approach just surprised me :p but hurray that’s a great thing ! Thank goodness I haven’t witness this beautiful disaster called love otherwise I’d be ending up as emotional wreck :3

        Liked by 2 people

        1. No, it’s hard to offend me actually.
          But yes, I’ve been gloomy, a lot, perhaps excessively. However, you can’t decide how gloomy you become or how you deeply you love someone.
          Time and principally experiencing my own feelings, for all this time, and it’s been a while, that offered me a different kind of perception and ease regarding love.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Time might had your back but credit goes to you for exercising control over emotions. .some just blindfolded with it ,they can’t seem to distinguish the cons!
            Keep writing fab! I hope to get you know more through your work 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

  5. You are in love with love, Ricardo, but that is not a bad thing…Sometimes, things were just not meant to be, no matter how poignantly you wish it were otherwise..I wrote a blog about “Unrequited Love” on word press a while back, so I know how it feels…

    As the wise man said, “Remember in the end, it’s better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all”…..

    Liked by 3 people

  6. i have love, great love. but he doesn’t write. his eyes tell me his thoughts and i fill in the blanks. it’s heartbreaking that words are so important to me and he has trouble finding them. you have the most beautiful words for her but she can’t hear them. i hope some day she will. xo

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I can totally relate to the situation… There’s a guy… I can tell by his eyes he loves me like hell but he fails to deacribe . he says its difficult to pour my heart out in words and I m not a follower of PDA. But according to me… U should be brave enough to describe how u feel for the particular person otherwise be brave to see them loving anyone else

      Liked by 1 person

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