Civilian Love

Love is not an illusion. It is so authentic, especially when it actually takes place. It only fools you when you try to create it, yourself, with your two own abandoned hands, that’s when you end up building something dangerous, a thing, a feeling or a mood, whatever it may be. Something surreal but ideal, and sticking to an imaginary ideal will eventually damage your rationality and consequently your capability of dealing with life, in a casual and beautifully easy manner.

Love only comes into our lives to defeat us, we think. Well, for those moments when it hurt us, that’s probably because it was never real to start with. Living a lie hurts, but what aches more is believing it and making it your own truth, a guideline according to which you’ll rule your life, and your future plans, falling fruits of your loving imagination. We assume ourselves as being solid when we are plainly the most ungrounded we’ve ever been.

Love is about all-knowing and yet, faithfully ignoring, consisting inside her life as if our own isn’t worthy of that same attention, for it isn’t our glee that brings us happiness anymore. Instead, true realization resides in the act of assuring her peace of mind, aiming to see her at her best, always. And that’s a beautiful feeling, disposing of yourself in this way is a unique and sweet accomplishment. It takes a very special woman to make a man bend like that.

Love can be threatening if it consumes us like this, if it leads us to believe not in the impossible, but instead in the improbability behind the possibility. Waiting destroys everyone, no matter how smart or thoughtful you are, you’re still a civilian, defenselessly facing grand artillery, fire intended to scorch you, mercilessly. It will turn you into a desperate man and then you’ll sink for some time, if you’re lucky, for a too long while, if you’re not. A while that dries your persona and shrinks your vital essence. You must fight that force trying to enclose you inside nothing but the happy images of her smiling face, constantly floating around your mind. The happiest memories are usually the ones capable of feeding the heaviest moments. From the minute you make a routine out of crying and longing, darkness will make you feel at ease and at home in where you don’t belong. Once you fall into that hopeless sleepy state, now turning you into a devoid existence, you’re pretty much gone. And it will be like this, at least for now, hopefully not forever.

Love causes us to take endless contradictory steps towards a destination still undefined, somewhere paradisiacal yet the roads leading there are unceasingly wet and murky, extremely displeasing but extraordinarily encouraging. Why? Because we tirelessly hope.

Love is madness, molten and made fit into a mold of understanding. Conflicting feelings, wills that mutually oppose each other, they clash so we can finally proclaim a winner, distinguish a decision, perhaps the right one. It always looks so easy to decide on love, it’s clear and clean and surely holds the promise of pleasure, never pain, but somehow we manage to lose the north, and frequently end up tasting the awful bitter side of it all.

Love is joy found in the short occasions spent in her company, that seem meaningless to everyone else, including herself, sometimes.

Love is overdosing ourselves with whatever lets us thrive, hoping the hangover doesn’t kill us the day after.


32 thoughts on “Civilian Love

  1. Do you see any functional advantage in differentiating romantic love from platonic love? (you love your best friend and your partner but only one of them gets cuddles).

    Familial love from spiritual love? (you love your parents and siblings but they don’t take you to higher planes of consciousness the way a work of art does).

    Erotic love from affectionate love? (you love the shape their necks but not your human playmate’s body makes your heart beat faster, while your canine playmate’s neck is just so darn cute and needs petting).

    Do humans make these distinctions to allow for more of this positive feeling/drive and for more things? Or it kind of goes without saying because loving an ice cream flavor isn’t the same experience or philosophy as loving that a random stranger managed to brighten your day when none of your friends could?

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    1. Mouse slipped before I could retype. I meant to say this bit:

      (you love the shape of their necks but your human playmate’s body makes your heart beat faster, while your canine playmate’s neck is just so darn cute and needs petting).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t think we are able to be that rational when we’re speaking of love. Differentiating ways of loving isn’t a fruit of great thought, it’s instinctive I think. We feel how we feel and that’s it.
        One of the few things we can’t properly fake and play with, is how we feel for someone. While in love, we’re not sufficiently sentimentally neutral or grounded to a point we feel capable of dealing with things/situations the way we want. We can’t rule love, it rules us.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. May I ask, what you mean by “Civilian” Love as opposed to what? A war is what comes to mind first. I was mad at you, about bringing war into love, lol. Forgive me, I simply want to know how to get to the essence of what you mean. I think of love as, the best the world can offer. To love and be loved is the meaning of life. Love is not complicated, shown only with the intent of loving one another. True love is not used only felt. I try to have compassion in my heart for others. I think love is so pure, sometimes we forget we are human with emotions affecting our perspective of love. Complicating it, though hard not to because expectations are partnered with love.

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    1. Well, firstly there’s a song called “Civilian” by Wye Oak, that I discovered recently and have been listening (there’s the link in the post), that tune is basically the soundtrack for this post. A song that shows how we are nothing without love but at the same time we always struggle to remain in that love state, to feed it and sustain it. Because inevitably it all ends, sooner or later, it seems like a case of undying bad luck or unlucky fate.
      As you well said, war is not love, and when we love, we become vulnerable in a good way. We become civilians. We are civilians because we all love or at least try to; we share our “civilian” love in order to fight the burden of living a strictly thought-out, a commanded life without any sense of meaning (almost military like), absent of feelings.
      Thanks for the comment! 😉


      1. But love is only a burden, if we try to hang on to love that is gone. Love is pure not unkind. The first love, we need to have is for ourselves. Because, it is undying and recognizes the joy we have inside, always.

        Once we are happy with ourselves, the rest of our relationships fall into place. Successful, in a marriage or with a love partner or not which, really does not measure success. I mean finding someone and deciding, to give love a try. Love is a decision, to be in a commitment. Thank you, for responding, I understand now. I am not angry at you, anymore. : ) ♡

        Liked by 1 person

  3. That was so well articulated – what really struck me was love causing you to make believe and believe your lie, eventually defeating us and impacting our future. That really supports the notion that in some aspects, love is an illusion you subject yourself to. Thank you for this piece!

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  4. Love consumes all…wisest are the most foolish when in love. Its real always…sometimes just wrongly directed. To create love like a story that is perfect, no matter how short the story may be…needs a heart brimming with love and one that needs love in return.

    Nice post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, according to this four types of love, I’d say I focus mostly, almost exclusively on the Eros; love under the form of passionate desire, the act of contemplating the beauty inherent to the one I love.
      Thanks for the comment. Good night. 🙂


  5. “All is fair in love and war” but what will life be without the torments of love…a flat line, we are grateful for the shock waves of love giving life to our hearts. You say it best because you know it best. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Such a poignant photo to go with your deep words…I have built many a castle in the air and wanted to live in it with the ‘love of my life’…you can guess what happened… collapsed into the pit of hell.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. That was so beautiful it bought a tear to my eye. You are right in so many ways. Such wisdom. Such depth. Such insight. Beautiful. Thanks for sharing

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Beautifully written, as always…but would you be of agreement that lust and infatuation can often times be disguised as love? Is it lust and infatuation, led by ego, that makes us feel hurt and intoxicated?
    Love definitely makes us feel the joy you so beautifully described.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes they are, many times as you say (I already made a post on this). I think love and infatuation, they emerge as a actual illusion, the kind of illusion that hurts for a while, but for a short while. It’s actually funny how short that while can be. So, i wouldn’t say lust or infatuation can be harmful, really harmful. They only intoxicate you if your ego is blinding you in a dangerous and unhealthy way. And it’s your only job to be better than that, you know.
      With love it’s different, it “hurts” a lot more profoundly. A pain we never call by its name, mainly because it’s the only pain that can bring us any true joy at all. Love is totally different and you’ll easily sense its difference when it arrives.
      Thanks for your comment. Hope I was clear enough. Best wishes 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Until recently I would more often than not disagree with you: love is an illusion. Yet now I know it is not for the very reasons who spell out here in just a gorgeous flowing thought.

    So much here, but a few really, really jumped out of me.

    Love is about all-knowing and yet, faithfully ignoring, consisting inside her life as if our own isn’t worthy of that same attention, for it isn’t our glee that brings us happiness anymore. Instead, true realization resides in the act of assuring her peace of mind, aiming to see her at her best, always. And that’s a beautiful feeling, disposing of yourself in this way is a unique and sweet accomplishment.

    And when it goes both ways, beyond beautiful. The two intertwined, yet still their own being. And that leads to….

    Love is joy found in the short occasions spent in her company, that seem meaningless to everyone else, including herself, sometimes.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I love the way you write – it is very thought provoking. And me a girl… with a Master. Love is all encompassing – all consuming – there is nothing I would not do for Him – but I expect nothing – but want everything … He expects everything but wants nothing… maybe

    Liked by 2 people

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