Have you ever found yourself so ruined that no occurrence is grand enough to afflict you? No person nor their dismissive actions hold potential to harm you, not anymore. You’re as slippery as sand, massive as stone, unscratchable as diamond.
That feeling of superiority reaching out to invincibility. A state where you remain, observant and untouchable, simply drifting through space and time, a place where everything exists but nothing happens.
It’s on those days you’re feeling so inertly absent, that you may actually notice how white and wide the moon halo glows, wildly spreading out on the night’s purplish sky. Those moments where you and nature melt together, for you’re so tired of life’s social artificiality. The demanding obligation to feel or pity, to smile and profess kind words. Those times you’re nothing but a ruthless and absent-hearted shadow, but yet, society compels you to act like you’re whole and willing to continue this show.
You may feel enticed to kick back into desperation, once you find no significance in anything you experience, when she is lost and your body has been evaded, left to die, a discarded battlefield, a newly born sterile landscape; when you exude nothing but this dense enthralling nothingness.
Only by the time war ends you actually realize how vividly glows the garnet guised ground, and how poignantly stinks the sulfury soaring smog. Experiencing battle improved your furtive instinct for predation, you’re now a hunter on a run to fight anything that daringly approaches you. Anyone at sight must get lost, or be prone to lose.
Only after torment, when there’s nothing left to hold on to, when you miss the old passive normality of life’s monotonous course, when you need to gather the currently disperse simplicity you so hardly worked to twist and scare away. That’s when you begin to understand every second holds its unique value and every minute contains what could not occur one minute later.
Then, perhaps you’ll burst out laughing for no apparent reason, you’re just so strangely awaken. You have been so viciously beaten that nothing seems noxious, not anymore. It all looks and sounds and smells and feels and tastes now, it all became something at last, real, not this blurred scenery you’ve been softly immersed in from the start. All that ignorance your innocent self was sucking on, ultimately dried when pain reached out to grab you. A pain committed to scratch your soft core, infecting you with omniscience, the only disease that could kill your vulnerability.
Maybe this can justify why we try so hard to aggressively play life, forcing it to run and happen so swiftly, mainly because we want the inevitable struggles to pass as urgently as possible, so we can actually grow and keep going, wiser. So we can dexterously master the ways of our own existence, and utterly perceive the true meaning and restless beauty beyond what we have been so incautiously ignoring.