A message

It’s imperative that you don’t return to what you were before things happened, before you knew this much, and cared and loved so deeply.

Denying the eyes who once motivated you to be what you are now is a mistake. It may be the sanest thing to do according to your mind, but your heart will find it so obnoxious.

Revel in what is past and don’t blame yourself nor her for the way things went down. Stop wronging yourself trying to find reason in what none of you expect to have a plausible explanation.

Don’t ever regret what you were taken to do or say, as long as you’ve acted respectfully and out of love.

However, it poisons me to assume that it’s all over, only because I tried to make love happen. Prospects of impossible love ruined a healthy friendship as I selfishly demanded too much from her, something beyond what she could give me. I should have just shut up even if it’d kill me to cynically look at her, pretending to feel nothing anymore. I should have tried harder to find the vitreous coldness I needed, and steal it from inside those two worlds, cerulean infinities, her eyes. But I couldn’t do it! I couldn’t avoid but staring at her, and losing myself in… what seemed to be everything I was born to have. Nothing was ever capable of messing with my rational spirit, I’m so sharp and absent, but then she shone on my life, only to thaw me, and leave me here, a liquified tepid figure but yet so full of what she unintentionally gave me. She offered me myself; I wouldn’t have found me if not for her, and I’m forever indebted to her for that.

Loving this way is too damn pricey though! Feeling so estranged, everywhere, a haunting sensation that will never truly leave me. My emotions all swapped, leaving me no other chance but to wear a mask, every time, a hide used to fool the fool, but especially to amuse myself. Going to bed to not fall asleep. To not stop thinking of her, not until those late hours of wondering tire my frightened eyes to a point where they see no other alternative but to shut down. Imagining her, laying in bed too, I try so hard to envision her situation at the moment. What is flying through that beautiful mind of hers just now?

Love is about unconditional admiration, contaminating eternal joy which somehow found its path to heal you, for good.

She may now resent you, but you’ll always care for her and deep down, you know she still does too, even if both of you are supposed to deny it.

Long lost times can’t be erased nor unfelt, for they built you. You are all those forgotten little laughs and intense glances.

You now are what once was. You are her and she is you, undoubtedly, and for as long as you dare to be yourself…


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27 thoughts on “A message

  1. I love that you think this. I know there must be days when you feel like going back and forth between longing her and trying to forget her. And maybe for a while, it will continue to be that way. But soon enough, you will discover why the maddening pain has to happen. Soon enough, you will discover why the two of you had to happen and end the way you did. Because soon enough, you will find something you never thought you wanted and needed. And that overwhelming realization will trump all the struggles you went through because then you would understand that it was all worth it. The pain had to happen to better appreciate what was going to come along after.

    Love your work.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for liking my post because right now, I am probably drenched in tears. Only because of you liking my post and me receiving a notification and developing the curiosity to check you out. This post resonates my inner emotions. It’s thought-provoking and emotive.

    x

    Liked by 2 people

  3. “Denying the eyes who once motivated you to be what you are now is a mistake. It may be the sanest thing to do according to your mind, but your heart will find it so obnoxious.” – This is so perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No, well, maybe, thoughts on that may come to me, from time to time. For now, I’m still discovering how all this works, trying to master the art of writing 😉 , to perfect it as much as I can. And being english not my native language, I’m aiming to enrichen my word closet as much as I can, and blogging has been showing itself as an amazing experience for that single purpose, and on so many other levels.
      About books, I was never a person of reading, I never really red a single one just for the sake of reading it, for the pleasure it could grant me.
      I may be a writer, but not a reader. That’s possibly why I’m not naturally inclined to write a book, probably because I wouldn’t read it.
      But I’m conscious there’s countless people out there, hardcore readers (maybe you are one of them 🙂 ), that love to read other people’s work.
      So yes, for now it’s just a casual practice, perhaps one day it’ll turn into something more serious.
      Thanks a lot for your kind words.
      Best wishes,
      Ricardo

      Liked by 2 people

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