What if

I sometimes, many times, wonder about the beginning, when I was little. Me and her, unaware of each other’s existence.

Could we imagine we would meet one day? I don’t think so. Of course not! But now it seems impossible for it to have happened otherwise, at least for me.

How else could I have met love and pain if not like this, through her?

If things did work out any other way, I would still be “Rick” but not “The Lone Beach Walker”. Probably, I couldn’t even find a single word to write on love, not a single worthy thought for you to eagerly read.

 

A crushed heart now spilling past memories is far more valuable than having it, still, virginally intact but hollow.

Oh… those memories I vacantly recall only so I can finally smile again; picturing her eyes without fearing the inevitable tears that’ll come along, running down mine.

How much would I give to have this hurt stab me once more? Teach me, through the same silent bus rides and vulnerable drunk glances, what it feels to long like that; just so I could be there, once again, with her.

Am I too insane, yearning for the same old life she stole from me, a life where I could be who I am not anymore?


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42 thoughts on “What if

  1. For some unknown reason, I feel an affinity toward you. You are such a sensitive and compassionate young man that I feel at some point in time, you will once again be with this true and pure love of yours.
    Love is the driving force in all that we do. Everyone and I mean everyone; all of humanity wants love in their lives. Whether is may seem to be positive or negative, they will accept what is offered to them.
    It saddens me that others forget that just a simple act of human kindness can express a love for someone. We at times stop to think whether this person deserves to be loved or not. Love should be given freely and without conditions.
    We do not know what another person may have suffered in his/her life to make them seem to sad and bitter. But that is not what the Universe cares about. You never know how a kind word or gesture may have an impact on someone’s heart and soul. The more love vibrations that one may put out to others and the universe…the more that will bounce right back to you.
    I wish to give you encouragement in your search. But, in the meantime…share your love with others for now, because the heavens above gave you such an abundance of it, and it would be a shame for you not to share.
    And I do see that your struggle with one particular lady may be holding you back. Do not, and I repeat…do not allow another human being, {and I do not care who it may be} allow you to obsess over what might have been. Think more in the lines of what is and what could be. Hugs to you.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Provocative in a fresh and interesting way… Thank you for visiting my blog and allowing me the unique experience of visiting yours! Love is a worthy subject…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love does that to people =) have faith things will work out soon enough. As they say about doors if one closes many new ones open. May be your experience has made you the person you were destined to be and possibly the person who would be loved by many.
    She was lucky to have you and now who ever crosses that road again because the lover of a writer never dies for he remains in the writings for eternity

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Your honest heart laid bare for all to see is a beautiful thing to see. Trust me, the hurt in your heart does hurt less as time goes by. This heart break will teach you to treasure love when the right one comes along. Mourning might last the night, but joy will spring forth in the morning. God bless you during this time of mourning love lost … but be courageous for He has plans for your life, and he has a love for you that surpasses understanding.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. You’re a brilliant writer, i love the line… “A crushed heart now spilling past memories is far more valuable than having it, still, virginally intact but hollow.” So moving.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I relate so much to this. I’ve been looking for words to express how painful my breakup has been, but I feel like every time I do find the words, it will hurt too much to put them out there. Your blog helps me because it is like reading what I want to write without feeling the intense hurt I would feel otherwise.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. This is beautiful. I think pain always is, in its terrible, tragic way. Your post reminded me of this song called What If by Coldplay. Do have a listen 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve heard a lot from them, but not this one. It sure fits right in with the post, or at least with the mindset that led me to write it. Simply beautiful song! Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed reading. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  8. This is a beautiful perspective. I think that if you hadn’t experiences this, yeah you might be a different person, but at the same time, don’t you like the person you are now? Do you have a serious problem with the person you have become. Of course your life would have included more happy memories with that girl, but what if she is only perfect in your mind? You created an image of her that is flawed. You know her as a beautiful, wonderful girl. Keep in mind that she is only human too.
    From what I have read I like the person you are now. Think about how wonderful you have been writing, the comments that people have left for you. They like the person you are now. Then opportunies that will arise from this.
    You are different, but you are still amazing. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I really appreciate the person I’ve become. I wouldn’t change the life I’ve lived so far, even I could. And those past memories are enough for me to look back and rejoice. It happened how it had to, and it couldn’t any other way. I’m grateful for that! Thanks for reading and sharing your nice thoughts. 😉

      Liked by 5 people

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