Have you ever encountered yourself longing for someone, so much yet so hopelessly?
A one-sided crush that won’t let you love what’s out there to be loved…
Someone who grasps you without even touching you, owns you without even looking at you? Someone to whom you’ve offered your soul in vain…
This loop of expectation and blind passion without return can and will unquestionably drag you down. A path that only sinks never rises, and for it to end you’ll have to be clear about what you want. Say it all without fear of the unwanted answers she might give you. Answers you so well know as inevitable, but keep refusing to believe in.
All it takes is for you to say the wrong truth instead of the right lie as she expects you to. She will probably get upset or feel insulted when she hears you confessing what your attentive eyes have eyed for all these years. The best and the worst of her, and you show it to her expecting some recognition from her, hoping that she cares about how you’ve hurt yourself for all this time, for her. How you stood there silently contemplating her beauty and mannerism just because it felt so good inside, to admire this only woman that transforms you into a human, a being capable of love, of true and deep kindness towards someone, a stranger who has now, unfortunately, become a strangler, someone who entered your life to awaken you for love and then gradually knocked you out with demonstrations of indifference and detachment. The only difference is that now, this comatose state is painful, for you know what’s to be up and living. Be forced to passively lie down waiting when you already know what you must find, or want to, is hard and heavy on the mind.
Maybe she will refuse to hear those things you have to express. She will mute you as she can’t take it from you. She will unfriend you, maybe block you and erase you from her life. Kill the one who was always there, friendly expecting for the impossible to occur. However, what neither of you expected (especially you, for she is certainly not thinking on any of this right now) was that the act of killing you would actually bring new life instead. What she is really doing when she forgets you is releasing you. Giving you an excuse to stop caring for her, to end your concern towards someone who despises your advice.
You needed to cross hell’s finish line so heaven could finally fall upon you, like a cold revitalizing shower.
And believe me, you will be surprised to notice how easy it is to leave it all behind once your brain and heart agree that moving on is the only right thing to do, for both her and you, for she ignores your attention and you attend to her ignorance, and nothing even slightly close to love will ever be born from this situation.
She just can’t love you and you can’t just like her. It’s too little against too much, and half measures are unattainable and unfunctional in this field of work.
Love is whole or is null, there is no such thing as “She kinda loves me”.
Either you do or you don’t. Of that I’m sure! And that’s probably the only thing I take for certain in matters of love…